Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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