woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
