She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
