Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
