Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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