that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
