Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
