I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
not ubering you a puppy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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