He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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