I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
