Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
