My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wear drunk well.
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