you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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