i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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