Please, let me fuck your mom
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize