3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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