I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I could make wine with my vomit
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
