Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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