I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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