I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
