Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize