well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
