Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
