Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize