She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
