We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
