You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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