We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
