someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
