Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Come see our sink grown plant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
