Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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