You can't special order awesome
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
