They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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