Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
