Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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