i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
