were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
