So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need moral support for this bender
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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