Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
