my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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