I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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