By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
