He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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