when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
