i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
