so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize