hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
