Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize