Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
