yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
