Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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