he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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