i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
