and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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