Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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