Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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