Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
