Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
