Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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