Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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