Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
