I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
