Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
