Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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