it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The Olympian is in my bed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
