totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
