woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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