Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize