And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The Olympian is in my bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize