TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize