He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
