I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
